At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
