I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
