fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
