Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
