Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
