Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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