is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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