You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
