So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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