she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
