i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
