Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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