i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
