You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
