Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
