He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
