so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
