I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
