I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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