please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
