man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
