I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
