I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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