Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
