Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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