Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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