Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
