i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
