____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
