I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
