You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
