I think I died a long time ago.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
