i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
smell my finger.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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