2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If that was your dad, he is hot
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
