he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
