I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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