did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
