This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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