Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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