Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
