He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I believe in your delicious
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
