the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
