then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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