Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
