I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.