check it out our google latitudes are spooning
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this just has baby written all over it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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