Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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