So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
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Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick