with your own penis?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
