And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
