I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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