my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize