Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?