She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?