You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
