so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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