so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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