this beer tastes like vomit already
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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