I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
