Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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