I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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