it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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