I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
