Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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