anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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