Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
