rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
