Texts From Last Night

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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face

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  (276): Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face http://tfl.nu/0y76
  Replies (7) Good night (3986) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.

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  (570): I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it. http://tfl.nu/aapx
  Replies (26) Good night (3538) Bad night (934)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."

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  (214): Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15." http://tfl.nu/wu1w
  Replies (33) Good night (1071) Bad night (3667)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.

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  (562): It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice. http://tfl.nu/vbsf
  Replies (28) Good night (4845) Bad night (3579)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall

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  (248): had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall http://tfl.nu/12ne
  Replies (3) Good night (2325) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.

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  (573): Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more. http://tfl.nu/vzn5
  Replies (4) Good night (1024) Bad night (1921)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up

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  (519): You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up http://tfl.nu/hzs8
  Replies (10) Good night (2651) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.

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  (931): I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that. http://tfl.nu/d355
  Replies (6) Good night (953) Bad night (1439)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Here's my first problem: I'm drunk

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  (517): Here's my first problem: I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/3w5g
  Replies (13) Good night (2004) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"

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  (203): If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am" http://tfl.nu/kogk
  Replies (5) Good night (623) Bad night (1393)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets

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  (310): Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets http://tfl.nu/hmgm
  Replies (3) Good night (1733) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here

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  (971): she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here http://tfl.nu/l846
  Replies (5) Good night (751) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?

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  (843): This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded? http://tfl.nu/dc2w
  Replies (3) Good night (658) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?

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  (571): Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together? http://tfl.nu/mj4s
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?

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  (317): Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning? http://tfl.nu/7de2
  Replies (0) Good night (486) Bad night (297)

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