youre lurking in front of me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.