we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.