I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday