i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.