i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach