I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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