Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil

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  (916): You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil http://tfl.nu/tid3
  Replies (5) Good night (948) Bad night (484)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

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  (604): My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't. http://tfl.nu/nrau
  Replies (13) Good night (1558) Bad night (3848)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?

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  (541): you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me? http://tfl.nu/hd4u
  Replies (66) Good night (4211) Bad night (785)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.

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  (616): I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her. http://tfl.nu/z7hr
  Replies (9) Good night (5888) Bad night (814)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

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  (709): the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table. http://tfl.nu/ak9q
  Replies (5) Good night (2825) Bad night (1088)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?

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  (413): She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy? http://tfl.nu/obto
  Replies (12) Good night (1375) Bad night (5398)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face

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  (307): It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face http://tfl.nu/4yyh
  Replies (10) Good night (2407) Bad night (996)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.

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  (402): Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this. http://tfl.nu/i32a
  Replies (2) Good night (1516) Bad night (643)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

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  (225): Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. http://tfl.nu/n4ph
  Replies (6) Good night (849) Bad night (1593)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA

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  (214): IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA http://tfl.nu/ecmd
  Replies (16) Good night (803) Bad night (932)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...

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  (270): I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night... http://tfl.nu/q37f
  Replies (6) Good night (474) Bad night (1060)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...

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  (44): Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms... http://tfl.nu/mf8r
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (262)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales

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  (978): Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales http://tfl.nu/1ec5
  Replies (1) Good night (1010) Bad night (542)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.

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  (610): The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it. http://tfl.nu/y85o
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (293)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor

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  (814): Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor http://tfl.nu/6e1k
  Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (253)

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