Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button

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  (512): so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button http://tfl.nu/bgvc
  Replies (11) Good night (2697) Bad night (1463)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.

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  (617): Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning. http://tfl.nu/86da
  Replies (5) Good night (3132) Bad night (708)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.

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  (662): I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven. http://tfl.nu/u85e
  Replies (24) Good night (3106) Bad night (2478)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed

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  (206): My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed http://tfl.nu/sgs1
  Replies (19) Good night (3742) Bad night (1236)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  No subtext here. People are naked.

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  (612): No subtext here. People are naked. http://tfl.nu/tn4y
  Replies (7) Good night (4200) Bad night (734)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

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  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (2346) Bad night (8942)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

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  (425): I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I? (1-425): you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time http://tfl.nu/bm15
  Replies (5) Good night (4667) Bad night (850)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.

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  (317): I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend. http://tfl.nu/dbby
  Replies (6) Good night (3144) Bad night (891)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...

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  (312): She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it... http://tfl.nu/f47h
  Replies (8) Good night (912) Bad night (2043)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?

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  (518): I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine? http://tfl.nu/b7b9
  Replies (4) Good night (1119) Bad night (501)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.

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  (907): Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman. http://tfl.nu/89v9
  Replies (14) Good night (2234) Bad night (718)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.

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  (405): Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped. http://tfl.nu/kn7w
  Replies (5) Good night (1335) Bad night (558)
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  (650): View more from California

  That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.

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  (650): That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands. http://tfl.nu/y7oo
  Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (1045)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.

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  (403): I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that. http://tfl.nu/4xpt
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (317)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook

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  (516): I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook http://tfl.nu/llrr
  Replies (4) Good night (610) Bad night (269)

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