I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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