I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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