Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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