I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
