Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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