Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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