Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
