My first STD was from a foam party
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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