If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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