Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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