did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
