no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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