the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
