You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
