is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
