You really coming over, don't trick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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