you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
