I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's shark week go big or go home
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
