Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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