duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
